There’s No Place Like Home.
Lessons in Finding, Creating, and Contributing to Community.
As we enter into the Artificial Intelligence age, it has me thinking about the “Tower of Babel” parable, where God was compelled to scramble the speech of the tower’s inhabitants so they could no longer understand each other as they scatter the world.
I was surprised to discover there are other similar linguistic origin stories, including from several ancient Mesopotamian cultures, demonstrating a primal trend in conversational barriers to stifle the building of connection and community.
So, one would think that in our modern world, with Google Translate (and less recently, “Babel Fish”) to interpret thoughts and responses effortlessly into another’s tongue, our ability to connect and build community would be a snap. But instead, communities, from local to regional to national to international, are struggling.
The fundamental human need for community is not only beneficial for our emotional equilibrium, our mental health, and our spiritual nourishment, it’s crucial for our survival.
January’s DRIVEN blog article mentions:
Considering the fact that safety and security appear on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs right above the needs for breathing, water, food, shelter, clothing, and sleep, Community involvement is crucial. That is, if the community is one where psychological safety is present and maintained.
I’m reiterating this because when disaster strikes (not IF, but WHEN), it’s important to acknowledge that our neighbors will be our first responders, and we’ll be theirs.
While some folks have close ties with their neighbors, many others do not, feeling all alone and isolated despite being surrounded by people. In either scenario, between the current benefits of community as the antidote to the epidemic of loneliness, and the long-term dividends when the infrastructure of relationships are laid down, the investment in creating, contributing and finding community is indisputably wise.
While our current state of political and cultural polarization threatens to make community connection less likely, I remain hopeful. Consider any local or national atrocities that you’ve witnessed in your lifetime, and how a sense of community brought folks together in the aftermath. Now imagine how beneficial it would be to intentionally begin building community before a future disaster strikes.
An opportunity rests in becoming aware of people in your sphere. When you widen your lens and understand who’s in your community by proximity, you can make the next move by creating a connection with them. Here are a few ideas to make this exercise inviting and even, dare I say, delightful:
1. Meet your neighbors. Sounds obvious, but it often remains on the back burner. When I moved into a previous suburban home, it was 5 months before I formally met any neighbors. And I’m a social being! Likewise, during a quarter-century of living in city apartments, it seemed as if people I encountered in hallways and elevators were not interested in engaging until I initiated conversation. Some indelible friendships resulted.
2. Get curious about those with whom your path crosses. I’ve written about the delight I derive from my local farmers’ market. It turns out, upon reflection, that I’ve savored many of the people with whom I’ve interacted over my lifetime. Exhibit A is my local shoe cobbler (how old-school!) Memories of seeing Tony and his wife Maria in my old neighborhood still make me smile. Over the years I learned about their story and their growing kids while picking up my repaired footwear. And while at their shop, I’d had warm interactions with other locals whom I might have otherwise never encountered.
3. Savor the idea of interaction. Instead of considering daily errands a burden, you can choose to reframe these tasks as interactions with your community. My mother Alice used to wait in a specific line at our local supermarket simply to catch up with Doris the checkout lady. The two would briefly share some stories and smiles, and Mom would be able to keep current with neighborhood affairs.
Beyond awareness, there’s connection with others. Being open to this can be a BIG shift. I love David Foster Wallace’s address to Kenyon State, where he lays it out. Basically, we each have the choice of how to show up in life. You can choose to stare at a smartphone while waiting in line at the supermarket or riding the subway, or you could open up the possibility of real-life interactions with people who are sharing the same physical space as you.
Another thing to consider is what you’re putting out there. Do you look angry, closed down or unfriendly? You may assume otherwise, but it’s difficult to determine how your body language appears to others. Have a look at yourself in the mirror. When I did, I learned a great lesson. Here’s an unsettling dramatization of what went down:
Despite my proactivity, I was still preoccupied by a sticky situation as I walked to the subway and hopped onto the train. Still deep in thought, I looked up from my spot, standing near the sliding doors, and was startled to see an angry woman blatantly staring at me. I soon discovered the angry woman was, in fact, me! I was looking at my own reflection in the window of the train door, and it was a woman I did NOT want to mess with. It made me realize how often I’m deep in thought, and that unless I’m intentional when I meet someone, my brain is usually half in the future, and my body is sending off unintentional messages.
Finding community is like Dorothy’s search for happiness; it was in her own backyard the whole time.
As springtime unfolds, and you’re outside more often, have fun interacting with those around you. The benefits are priceless!
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