How Shared Experiences Help Us Thrive.

Exploring the 3 Levels of Community.

“Energy flows to where attention goes.” Perhaps that’s why I’m feeling energized and excited as I continue to explore my 2024 Word of the Year: Community.

It may also be why I was puzzled when a colleague in one of my masterminds expressed that she feels isolated and lonely, with no sense of community in her life. I wanted to reply, “What are we, chopped liver?” And yet I paused, and I got curious about the contrast between our definitions of “community”.

Here’s my perspective: In 2023, I was actively involved in more than a dozen communities. These masterminds, collectives, peer groups, and support groups have become the backbone of my social interactions. You may be surprised to discover that most of these are virtual communities.

Since I can hear you groaning, I’d like to submit for your consideration that thanks to web conferencing, we are able to connect and develop relationships with people around the world. It’s hard to believe that some of the people I feel closest to, I have yet to meet in-person. Nonetheless, our connections run deep.

I’ve felt fortuitously nourished since the Surgeon General declared loneliness an epidemic in the US. So, in thinking of my mastermind friend, and the millions of other Americans who feel lonely and isolated, I began considering how to better leverage community in service of health and well-being.

And, since people are all around us, I became curious about the difference between being “in proximity” and being in community. I got an answer thanks to the DRIVEN Community Laboratory survey results combined with A.I.

Being "in community" is akin to immersing oneself in a dynamic tapestry of interconnected support, collaboration, and shared values. It transcends mere proximity, offering an environment where individuals actively contribute to each other's growth and well-being. It's a space where companionship, genuine connections, and shared experiences thrive, providing a sense of belonging and relevance. Trust, humor, and shared goals intersect, fostering an authentic and enjoyable atmosphere. In community, individuals find encouragement, challenge, and a sanctuary for personal evolution. It's not just about being near others but actively participating in a vibrant, supportive network that enriches lives and experiences in a meaningful way.

Doesn’t that sound wonderful? If the answer is “yes”, the follow-up question is, “How do I attract community into my life?”

Since visualization is helpful, I imagine there are three ‘levels’ of community, each warranting different sensitivities when it comes to interactions and expectations. The good news is that each of these community buckets can be developed proactively by exercising your agency to serve your own sense of inclusion as well as inviting identified community members into your life. It involves YOU getting curious about others with whom you’d like to interact.

Let me share some examples of these 3 community levels:

1.    Our “Chosen Family” (our tribe.) You know what they say: You can pick your teeth, but you can’t pick your family. While many are blessed with feeling close to their biological families, this is not the case with everyone. One of my colleagues tells the story of a workshop exercise where participants were guided to bring to mind the feeling of family connectivity. His comment: “I moved across the country to cut family connectivity.” In the spirit of abundance, you can consider both family, and people close enough that you consider them family, as the backbone of your sense of belonging, connection and inclusion.

To attract deeper relationships within this community, ask yourself:

·         How can I best support, encourage and witness the pursuits of those closest to me?

·         How can we celebrate shared experiences and growth?

2.    Our Network Affiliates (Business Colleagues, Religious Circles, Social Groups, Civic Groups, etc.) These folks are one step removed, in an intimacy perspective, from our chosen families. When we create safe spaces within these communities, magic can happen; genuine connections and a sense of belonging and relevance. Nurturing these network connections promotes community sustainability.

To attract deeper relationships within this community, ask yourself:

·         How can I learn about my network colleagues’ goals and aspirations in an effort to contribute to their success?

·         How can I provide context and succinctly share a snapshot of my vision of success?

·         What will I answer if someone asks how they can help?

3.    And let’s not forget our Everyday Interactions (cue Somewhere Over the Rainbow.) When we consider our everyday chores, we can choose to maximize the community feel with the “regular characters” in our lives. I’ve written with tenderness about my beloved local farmers’ market experiences. While I know many vendors by name, I only see a thumbnail sketch of their lives. Nevertheless, I feel a deep affection and gratitude for them. There have been Saturdays when I’ve arrived at the market matching the darkness of the winter sky, only to leave feeling the cloak of gray lifted from my aura. There is a sincere sense of care, humor and belonging amongst our tiny community.

To attract deeper relationships within such a community, ask yourself:

·         What can I learn about those with whom I interact in transactional events to feel connected with them?

·         How can I interact with service folks to honor the importance of their work in my life?

If you’re reading this thinking, “It seems like an awful lot of work”, consider the adage “The more you put in, the more you get out.” When you bring a genuine smile to a conversation and couple it with compassionate curiosity, your sense of community connection will grow exponentially.

And if you’re now feeling downright uncomfortable, take a deep breath. Now re-read the paragraph about the benefits of community and mark your calendar for Tuesday, March 5th. Next month’s DRIVEN blog article will address roadblocks to community interaction and immersion.

I invite each of you, even those saturated and steeped in community, to try out this curiosity mindset, play with the questions above, and enjoy a deeper sense of connection. Like-minded people will be attracted, magnetically, into your life.

Is Coaching for you? Are you ready for it? Sign up HERE for a 15-minute Complimentary Coaching Consult to find out.