Catching Yourself in The Act.
Hi There,
Last week I shared a couple of ideas with some of you interested in striving toward Emotional Equilibrium. As more of my clients experiment with this powerful yet illusive theory, the more intriguing the paradigm becomes.
The first step to practice this centering stunt is to become present when the emotions that alert our brains and bodies to threat are first sensed. This may be challenging, as we’ve been conditioned NOT to be emotional. Although, this is a fallacy. After all, we humans are walking chemistry sets and our emotions are the elements!
The second part of maintaining Emotional Equilibrium is to investigate and then either "reframe" or “release” the emotion that has emerged.
You may be asking, “What does this investigation look like?” The answer is to become intentionally curious.
Ask yourself questions to get up-close and personal with the emotion. Give voice to your state by considering thoughts like:
• How would perspective change my state of feeling?
• Is there validity to the emotion?
• How can I address the emotional stressor immediately?
Let me add texture here, as I coached a client to ask questions in real time recently. Here’s how it looked:
“Cheryl” was triggered into instant overwhelm each time she received a certain kind of work project. After I asked clarifying questions to better understand, or “stand under Cheryl’s reality”, we crafted three questions she would launch when this kind of project landed in her inbox:
1. What’s the worst thing that could happen if she couldn’t “figure it out”? (Perspective allowed her to recognize that precision in her role, while important, wasn't a matter of life or death; after all, she’s not a brain surgeon.)
2. Who can help her if she gets stuck? (Turns out, Cheryl has a willing support system at work.)
3. What’s the first baby step she can take to begin the project? (This was when she had a seismic psychological shift. She felt liberated!)
Asking these types of questions accomplishes two things. First, by calling out the emotion, instead of suppressing it, Cheryl becomes able to do something about it. Second, the act of being curious engages the Prefrontal Cortex, a.k.a.: the thinking brain. This will prevent her emotions from “captaining her ship”.
You see, an emotion has a 90-second shelf life. Anything longer is due to amygdala loop thinking. And when we succumb to this trance-like thinking, we can get stuck in a negative, reactionary, emotionally draining space.
So, the first part of maintaining Emotional Equilibrium is catching yourself feeling that emotion. Step two is getting curious to quickly gain perspective. The essential component, or the secret sauce for success, is something we hear about all the time but are stingy when it comes to applying to our lives. More about that in next week’s message.
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524