The Phantom Fear.
Hi There,
I’ve been actively embracing the prickly present and moving through my state of Liminality. Instead of itching for a new normal, or even a “next normal”, I’m now settling into the act of eternally “becoming”.
For instance: I didn’t realize it then, but last week’s DRIVEN message primed me for the virtual retreat I would attend over the weekend. Don Miguel Ruiz and his sons were sharing The Four Agreements from the Omega Institute. These agreements are seemingly simplistic, but that turns out to be an illusion. Like self-awareness or enlightenment, their mastery is a perpetual journey in itself.
Of the copious number of life lessons I continue to marinate on, Ruiz Jr’s concept that “fear is addictive” has been haunting me. At first, I thought he was being hyperbolic in comparing fear to drugs and shopping. But then my own flashback to a curious fear event brought the concept into focus. I had felt my subconscious create that fear where none was warranted.
It was the summer of 2019, and I was slated to work with a DEI leader committed to making real change in her organization. She was not a “check the box” kind of woman but rather someone who was thoughtful and holistic in her plan. I’d spent HOURS putting together the proposal for the project— roadmap and all. She needed a four-day turnaround time to socialize the plan with her Leadership Council the following Monday.
On Thursday morning, a full day before the proposal was due, the “stop the presses” email came through. I was angry, sad and frustrated all at once, and I needed to blow off steam. Since I had allocated the day to this project, I decided a paddle-out was in order. An extended kayak trip to the northern tip of the lake became my destination, and it was magical! Dragonflies abounded, thanks to the hazy, humid August weather they LOVE. I sat in the absolute stillness of the morning, meditating on those hundreds of winged wonders chasing each other around, flirting and communing. I relaxed.
I was in a meditative stare, enjoying a scene that few humans experience. Then, with a jolt, I sat up and felt dread pump through my being. “I’ve got to get back”. And even when I told myself that I didn’t, my body wouldn’t settle down.
I remember being baffled. There was absolutely zero to be anxious about, and yet, I couldn’t shake the anxiety. But fast-forward to Jr’s statement about fear being addictive, and mystery solved!
Now the questions become, “How am I going to manage this addiction? How will I control that easy slide into fear so it no longer controls me?”
As they say, awareness is the first step. So, I’m OFF! AND I’m curious: Have you ever experienced fear and anxiety for no apparent reason? Please respond with your thoughts.
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
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