Make The Invisible, Visible.
Hi There,
My inner critic, Eve, was scratching at my subconscious this morning. She was bullying me about the written words shared in DRIVEN’s Tuesday distribution messages, affectionately called “Drips”.
“Who are you to write these pieces? Lately their subject matter isn’t about coaching; they’re stories about you! Aren’t you egotistical?!”
I countered by reasoning that, as a coach, it is crucial to help others consider different ways of seeing the world. A huge step in the journey is making the invisible, visible. This means addressing human blind spots and considering others’ perspectives.
Often, this involves investigating the stories we tell ourselves. It is in this spirit that I ask you: Have you ever been foundationally changed by being on the receiving end of a single sentence? I’m not talking about “Will you marry me?” or “The biopsy came back malignant.” I mean a statement, uttered by another, unthoughtfully, that changed the course of your life. The sentiment could have even been part of a mundane conversation, but you took the person’s perspective to heart, nonetheless.
I marinated on this “thought prompt” during our recent European C-IQ Collective Retreat. A colleague relayed to me the time her father proclaimed to her she was cut out to excel in a certain profession. She didn’t question or consider the veracity of his statement. She simply followed his direction. All these years later, she finds herself wondering, “Why?”.
As we dug into this epiphany, she recognized that Dad may have said this reflexively, not attentively. And it informed her whole life.
This brought me back to a scene from 30 years ago. My boyfriend at the time (let’s call him Charles) said something that unintentionally hurt me deeply.
It was early afternoon on New Year’s Eve, and my friend Mary was over. Mary and I were having a good laugh— you know, one of those belly laughs that leaves you gasping for air. Charlie then walked in and told me I sounded “like a hyena”.
The oxygen was sucked out of me. This thoughtless comment felt like a sucker punch. I found it difficult to be my authentic self for YEARS after the incident. When it came to mind during the retreat, my brain remembered that mental injury from long ago. I still felt a twinge of shame all these years later.
What provoked this thought? A colleague commented that she loved my laugher; it “lit her up” just hearing it!
What a fortuitous reframe for a story I retold to myself for decades: My laugh is downright infectiousness!
I invite you to courageously ask yourself:
1. What life changing statements, thoughts or actions have you received where the informer’s intention was innocent, but the impact was damaging?
2. Consider instances when you are the unintended perpetrator of this type of assault.
3. Bonus question: Going forward, how can you better align your intention with the impact you have on those you love?
This is not just food for thought; it’s a feast!
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524