I AM Feeling Powerless.
Hi There,
I have been exploring my “emotional enlightenment” publicly during this intense season of buying a new home. And once again, I’m amazed, in hindsight, at how stress plays a role in interactions. This humbling lesson came compliments of a silently toxic situation the day of our house inspections.
Let me set the scene: It was mid-May, and I woke up feeling ill (Nope, not Covid-ill). The then looming threat of dismantling Roe vs Wade continued to cloud my sunny disposition. I’d been simmering in a low hum of toxicity for two weeks. That was layered on top of another emotion I’ve been wrestling with over the last couple of years— irritation with systemic and unconscious patriarchy. We don’t always realize how societal thinking and traditions stem from this lens.
Here’s an example: Have you ever stopped to think about the implication of “I now pronounce you man and wife”? Have you ever noticed that when a check is presented at a restaurant, it’s usually presented to the man (no matter who asks)?
I HATE the fact that, especially right now, I feel POWERLESS to change people’s chauvinistic default thinking. This progressed into an internal meltdown when I was “in conversation” with five male technicians plus Michael in what is now officially my new home. I felt impotent and invisible when they addressed my spouse as “Mr. Mike”. They paid no attention to me, as if I were just his little lady.
My duplicity turned inward as my inner critic, Eve, scolded me for not speaking up. The truth is that I was too emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed to ask the questions I had prepared.
Poor “Mr. Mike” witnessed my wrath during dinner that evening. It wasn’t until the next day’s journaling that I considered why I woke up feeling ill. Was the outcome of the day tied to the assumptions and attitudes that accompanied me to the inspections?
I shared this experience at one of my round table discussions. Phyllis Thorne, a cherished colleague, related to my exhaustion. It’s how she feels all to often as the recipient of various microaggressions, being a Black woman.
The question becomes: How does the energy I bring to the table directly affect my experience interacting with others? Am I a walking, talking, self-fulfilling prophesy?
The heavier lift, to which I’m absolutely committed, is to compassionately use this experience to better connect with and advocate for BIPOC.
When have you been your own worst enemy during an interaction?
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524