Building Better Boundaries.
A Path to Personal Energy and Well-being.
Personal Boundaries are game changers! This has been a powerful theme of our ongoing DRIVEN Community (Lab), which is currently in the process of changing participants’ lives. But don’t just take my word for it. Here are three reasons why you may want to entertain the notion of how you can build better boundaries:
1. Leveraging boundaries is crucial for your well-being! Dr. Pooja Lakshmin highlights boundaries as one of the four cornerstones of personal health in her discussion on the podcast We Can Do Hard Things.
2. Boundaries are like breathing. We engage in them every day! We navigate boundaries constantly, whether it’s deciding what to eat, defining personal space, or protecting our energy from those who drain us (affectionately labeled ‘Energy Vampires’).
3. Boundaries are ‘In’! During the (Lab)’s very first Community Campfire, most participants chose to explore "Building Better Boundaries." Clearly, it’s a topic that resonates with many.
Building upon DRIVEN’s recent blog article, this summary dives into breakout room discussions and some golden insights from our Campfire event.
For context, the Community Campfire is a quarterly virtual gathering where members of the DRIVEN Community (Lab) come together to learn, share, and explore new ideas. It’s a space to uncover insights and experiment with new ways of thinking and being, supported by a like-valued community.
Breaking Down Boundaries: The Discussion
Our first breakout discussion took a cue from Einstein’s wisdom: “If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions.” This set the tone for the evening— focusing first on discovery rather than diving straight into problem-solving.
We began by exploring the motivation behind creating boundaries. This matters because setting a boundary implies change, and the yang to change’s yin is resistance. Setting boundaries often means stepping outside of our comfort zones, and that’s fertile ground for our disempowering beliefs. We often abort the mission because of the stories we tell ourselves: “I don’t want to inconvenience others” or “I don’t want to be high maintenance” or “I don’t want to deal with the other person’s anger or attitude.” But energy flows where attention goes. So, understanding our motivation becomes empowering.
A key question posed in each small group discussion was, “How will your life be different after successfully setting this boundary?” One answer that resonated was, “Since I’ve spoken my truth, I no longer feel resentment. I’m sitting in my power, and I no longer feel taken advantage of.” It’s a reminder that people treat us how we allow them to treat us. By asserting our needs, we not only protect our energy but also create space for compassionate listening.
Next, we connected this to self-care. “How will this change impact your energy?” One participant shared that boundary breaches leave them exhausted. Their motivation became clear: “By setting boundaries, I won’t have to waste energy recovering from overstepping.”
Shifting Into Action: The Second Discussion
In the second breakout room round, we focused on how boundaries could look in action. We asked, “What will you do differently to bring greater personal energy?” One simple yet profound answer emerged: “I’m going to verbalize how I feel. I get to choose to speak up!”
However, simple doesn’t mean easy. Boundaries have two dimensions: the tactical side, or what the boundary is and how to communicate it, and the emotional side, which is managing your feelings around setting it. The key takeaway? “The person you’re setting the boundary with isn’t responsible for managing your feelings; you are.”
Reframing how we see boundaries helps us avoid getting tangled in emotions. One participant captured this beautifully: “My intention is not to create an adverse impact; it’s to take care of myself.”
What Does Success Look Like?
The final question of the night was, “What does success look like to you?” The answer: “Speaking up, not biting my tongue.” This aligns with the practice of ‘releasing’ what we cannot control.
By the end of the session, one thing was clear: Setting boundaries allows us to be proactive in managing our energy, rather than spending time recovering from emotional burnout.
Your Opportunity to Benefit from the Wisdom of the Crowd
Here’s a question to ask yourself: “How can these insights from the DRIVEN Community (Lab) Campfire serve you?” Whether it’s tactically creating boundaries or strategically managing the emotional challenges that come with them, remember: you have the agency to support your well-being, energy, and personal health.
It’s my hope that you’ll take these lessons from the (Lab) and use them to stretch outside your comfort zone and step into your potential by safeguarding your energy. After all, boundaries are about caring for yourself, and that’s a powerful thing!
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