From Crossing Boundaries to Crossing Milestones
How to Embrace Growth in the Face of Transgression
DRIVEN has been exploring boundaries from multiple angles for the past 4 months. Today I’d like to be vulnerable and share a personal experience that became a profound turning point in my journey toward growth, self-awareness and resilience. You see, I inadvertently crossed a red line boundary late last year. It was a toxic circumstance that transformed into a journey in self-compassion due to my reliance on the growth mindset. Such growth will be inevitable for you as well, and I’m offering my story as a guide for similar moments in your future.
Ignorant Innocence
For years, I had been sharing the goings-on of my life with various business communities and networks. Right in this very blog column, I’d been discussing both personal and professional highlights, inviting readers to opt in to a newsletter for updates. I was naïvely unaware that any of these actions could be perceived as a transgression, as my excitement about community building blurred any lines of caution. Such "ignorant innocence" is a phase when many of us unknowingly tread on others’ boundaries. Without feedback, I had no reason to suspect that sharing updates was anything but appreciated. This was my reality, and I felt entirely in sync with the group.
Discovery Phase
Everything changed abruptly when I learned of an emergency meeting triggered by my actions. Reading it was like a punch in the gut. I was shocked, not only by the nature of the words (phrases like "an incredible betrayal of trust" left me stunned), but also by the fact that this decision was made without my awareness. It was professionally worded, but I felt blindsided, as though I’d been put on trial without warning or recourse. It felt deeply personal, especially because of the camaraderie I felt in the group.
This phase, the discovery of a transgression, can be one of the most challenging. Although the disbelief, shock and hurt are natural, realizing you’ve caused unintended harm can be an overwhelming experience. It’s a moment when your perception of the relationship shifts, and you suddenly see that the boundaries you took for granted had been drawn differently by others.
Awkward Awareness
The initial shock for me was soon followed by a profound discomfort— the “awkward awareness” of my mistake. I felt paralyzed by guilt, wondering how I had missed something so important. Terms like “betrayal of trust” echoed in my mind, and I questioned if I should even remain in the group. I worried I might inadvertently make another misstep, which led me to question my own judgment and awareness.
This awareness stage is painful because it forces us to face the shame and guilt of breaking a boundary, even unintentionally. Sitting with this discomfort without letting it turn into self-criticism can feel impossible. It was during this period that I started reflecting on why it hurt so much, and I began to confront my blind spots. This experience would become a key part of my personal shadow work journey.
Maximizing the learning from the incident yielded this cool spectrum!
Self-Compassion
I couldn’t keep beating myself up over an innocent mistake. I had to offer myself the gift of self-compassion. I reminded myself that I am human, and have blind spots. I forgave myself, understanding that without overt feedback, I honestly couldn’t have known I was crossing a line. This realization helped me soften my inner critic and reminded me that being imperfect is part of being human.
Self-compassion is transformative because it allows us to see our missteps as part of a broader journey. If we demand perfection of ourselves, we close ourselves off to growth. Self-compassion allowed me to approach the situation without harsh judgment. The experience became a lesson rather than a failure.
Empathy and Acceptance
My focus soon shifted outward. I began to empathize with those who were impacted by my actions. Although it hurt to be publicly called out, I recognized others’ perspectives. My actions had felt to them like a breach of trust. Acceptance, both of myself and of their feelings, was crucial here. I could continue to grow in this community only by accepting the complex emotions on all sides.
Empathy doesn’t erase the mistake but reframes it. It lets us see our actions through others' eyes and acknowledge that their boundaries are valid, even if we didn’t initially understand them. Acceptance, both internal and external, is essential for resilience. It helped me process the experience without resentment, which strengthened my commitment to respectful communication in the future.
Growth and Change
There has since been significant positive changes in how I communicate and interact with others. I’ve developed phrases and words to help clarify boundaries and check for alignment when situations feel unclear. I use trusted colleagues as sounding boards, which helps me process my thoughts and intentions more thoroughly before acting.
This growth has been invaluable. By receiving guidance from wise council, I’m fostering the bravery to engage in courageous conversations about boundaries constructively. It’s an ongoing journey, each step bringing me further into alignment with others while honoring my own values.
Looking back, I see that crossing this boundary can be reframed as a necessary step in my evolution. I’ve come to understand that being in community means accepting that we will all make mistakes. The true measure of growth lies in our willingness to face these mistakes with courage, to learn from them, and to return to the community stronger and more aware.
The main message is this: Crossing boundaries—whether accidentally or in ignorance—is part of being human. What matters most is how we respond, grow, and change in the aftermath. When we approach our missteps with empathy, self-compassion, and a commitment to growth, each boundary we cross becomes a milestone in our journey toward deeper understanding and connection.
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