Feeling Pressured by Normative Values?
Hi There,
Think about the last time you received a physical letter in the mail. Not a bill or an unsolicited offer, but a greeting card or handwritten note. What a delight! That’s how I feel when people share their thoughts with me about these Tuesday “messages of oxytocin and inspiration”.
So, you can imagine my joy when a colleague wrote to share what deeply resonated in last week’s message. I’ve been marinating on this unintentionally profound sentiment ever since:
“I know that I lapse when it comes to myself and what’s personally important for me as opposed to normative values, or what is expected of me.”
My intention had been to express an internal balancing act when it comes to sticking to my guns and NOT doing something because it would best align with my values. I thought I’d moved a bit farther down the path toward personal enlightenment because I recognize that sometimes I concede or compromise “too much”. I mean, isn’t life all about concessions and compromise?
After percolating, I now realize that creating boundaries, while imperative, is one thing. But declining to question and scrutinize my intrinsic values may very well inhibit me from living my best life. After all, it matters not if you hit a target when it was the wrong target in the first place.
In some ways we’ve become conditioned to avoid asking ourselves what we DO really want and instead slide right into accommodating what we assume others want or expect from us. Perhaps part of the Great Resignation is the result of people stopping and considering their intrinsic values rather than the normative ones (another silver lining of Covid!)
This point fell under the spotlight just last week. A colleague had shared details about how a personal relationship has become romantic, and she voiced trepidation about some future unknowns. When I asked about her intentions of possibly making a family, she gave a vague reply. Using my “Values” training, I gently nudged. Still unsure of her sentiment, I asked if she ever imagined her life without children. Her response: Thoughtful silence— and a request to continue the conversation next time.
Since receiving my certification in the Point of Value ranking protocol, I’ve been steeped in values thoughts. Now I ask myself how much of what I do each day is of assumed importance, but in the big picture, isn’t actually important. And just like with my colleague, I invite you to start a similar conversation with yourself.
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524