Overcoming Emotional Ambivalence….
Hi There,
Last week I’d shared an example of working through Emotional Ambivalence using a Somatic Practice when faced with two opposing “realities”. After all, its seldom that situations are black and white regarding relationships, job choice, vacation choice or even a new house choice.
While this somatic exercise provides a more palatable integration of diametrically opposing views, when it comes to making a choice, integration doesn’t cut it. When a decision must be made, it simply can’t include a little sunshine and a little snowfall.
Since emotional ambivalence has been at top of mind for me, it’s come up in most of my conversations lately. It should not have surprised me that “Tammy”, a dear colleague, proclaimed to her colleague “Ellen” and me during our IRL reunion that she was experiencing this type of internal tug of war. And it was a doozy!
Tammy had a choice to make that, on one hand, had the potential of upsetting her family and putting her in danger. On the other hand, it would provide generously for an organization whose employees requested this type of training. She could make a huge difference during a time when sense of purpose really counts. She tossed and turned all night before sharing her dilemma.
Now, Tammy is anything but reserved. Yet, when she brought up her bout with emotional ambivalence, she was sheepish in her proclamation. Ellen, after learning many of the details of Tammy’s decision at hand, asked Tammy permission to try a somatic experiment with her. She proceeded to invite Tammy to stand in front of us. Similar to the “scales” exercise I’d participated in, she challenged Tammy to move physically to her left and consider accepting the proposed engagement. She then instructed Tammy to pause and let her body do the talking— in other words, to connect with the heart and the gut without allowing the head to intrude.
Once the ambivalent Tammy shared her thoughts, Ellen then instructed her to move to her right and feel in her body what came up if she declined the opportunity. With this, it became clear that the safe space of trusted colleagues and a willingness to be vulnerable enabled Tammy to duly process the two choices before her. She not only decided what her answer would be, but also came up with a plan to speak with her family about accepting this assignment.
I could feel the relief and celebrated not only the decision but the coaching I’d witnessed. It was a HUGE win for my conflicted colleague and just another instance where I bathe in my gratitude for surrounding myself with people I aspire to be like.
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524