Listening to The Message….
Hi There,
I’ve been actively “checking in” with myself over these past weeks. It is, after all, the season for self-assessment. Didn’t you hear? October is officially Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month!
I’m exhilarated about my successful effort toward self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of EQ. My commitment to coming to the present at moments throughout the day has become well-anchored. My cherished three-breath meditation not only brings me to the present, but it allows me to check in with myself below the neck.
I’ve also noticed something interesting while taking my emotional temperature: Certain people gnaw at my sense of well-being even before I interact with them. In other words, I feel anxiety in anticipation of speaking with some folks. Yikes! Does this resonate with you?
This prompted me to wonder how my self-regulation may be affected when I’m actually in conversation with these individuals. My commitment to self-awareness became a bitter pill to swallow as I observed my self-regulation being less than impressive. I found myself impatient and uncompassionate with these folks. This is certainly no way to live!
So, what’s an emotionally intelligent person to do? Consider this snapshot of my journey:
1. When I gave myself the space to examine why I was anxious to engage with these folks, I noticed they had a common trait. Whereas I’m the ultimate optimist (some would say “Pollyannaish”), these folks were uniformly negative. They are “drains”, not “fountains”.
2. They see the world through a different lens, and these varied points of view are actually helpful and necessary for making good decisions.
3. I reframed “negativity” as playing devil’s advocate and helping me see the world from their eyes, thereby widening my own lens of the world.
4. The hardest part: I now take a breath and extend “loving kindness” when they say something that formerly made me impatient and silently dismissive.
Turns out, I’m a work in progress. On occasion, I now witness myself listening to the message instead of being turned off by the messenger!
Do you find yourself closing down in conversation with people? What have you done to uncover your ears and open your mind?
If you’re interested in reading more about EQ, and specifically self-regulation, check out the numerous blog articles I’ve written over the years about this Jedi Mind Trick. Remember: You’ll need EQ, even after Awareness Month is over!
Cheers!
-Deborah
Deborah Goldstein
DRIVEN Professionals / Forbes / Linkedin
info@drivenpros.com | LinkedIn
DRIVEN Professionals, 35 Adrienne Lane, Garrison, NY 10524